Bangkok: Helios coughed, we burned.

After the sushi adventure Luke and I decided to give Patpong another try, but this time, instead of a Go-Go club, we went to a regular bar, or so we thought.  Not that it bothered us, but all the "regular" bars in the downtown district staff prostitutes to "entertain".  The prostitutes are actually  employees of the bar, in that they get drink orders, but they also entertain, both in and out of the bar.  The in bar entertainment amounts to sitting down and talking with you.   The out of bar entertainment, well that is for you to choose.  You weren't required to sit with a prostitute.  Many people don't.  In fact it was a little sad to see, as most of the prostitutes were sitting off to the side, twirling straws, bored out of their minds.  It was like a 7th grade dance.

We chose a bar that advertised live boxing shows and, when we peeked in, was in the midst of setting up the ring.  It was a Muay Thai match;  the combatants looked fierce.  One of them looked exactly like Sagat from Street Fighter 2, except he had a full head of hair.  The other guy was a lot smaller and didn't look to have a chance.  The match started off strong.  They were so quick their kicks struck like bolts of lighting.  Finally in the second round the Sagat guy took it and was ringed out Virtua Fighter style.  He slammed his head on the floor where there was no safety mat and got knocked out.   Finally he got up and they called the fight.  Then afterwards both fighters walked around the bar to collect tips.  The Sagat guy had a huge welt on his face and would probably look more like Sloth from Goonies in a few hours.  He had an expression that made you feel like you owed him money for having the privilege to see him get beat up.  We left quickly.

Instead of finding another beer bar we got dragged back into a Go-Go club by some girls at the entrance.  It's not that we were completely taken against our will, but it was difficult to say no.  We did the same routine over again--got some beers and pretended to be gay.  This club seemed to be more premiere, or higher class.  It also had more attitude.  The girls were meaner to us when we told them we wouldn't be purchasing them.   I bought another girl a drink because she had cool shoes.  Then she came over and sat with us but we couldn't really understand her so we cheersed and elevatored for a while.  Then when she left she demanded a 15 dollar tip.  Luke and I exhaled so hard we created a low pressure system in the bar.  That was ridiculous.  We soon realzied that this bar was super touristy and their staff would squeeze as much money out of you as they could.  Even the bathroom attendant was looking for tips.  So we left.  We went to a few more bars that night then took a cab home.  Luke was not so drunk this time so we didn't have to walk.  I was still sore from the last walk.

The next night we went skipped Patpong and went to the Soi's.  I think Soi means alley, because all the Sois branch off the main road, Rama IV.  I kept thinking of the anime Ranma 1/2 when I saw the street signs for it.  The Soi's were all numbered and they counted up as you went East.  We had read about a good Hostel on Soi 4, so we first checked it out;  It was a small place run by some Australian guys.  You could tell they were having a good time because people were still passed out on the couch from the night before when we walked in at 5PM.  Everyone was friendly, but still the price was so much higher than the prices on Khaosan road, so we didn't take it.  After the hostel we walked over to Soi 7 to check out a famous Beer Garden called, The Beer Garden.  It wasn't so much a Beer Garden in terms of the selection of beer, which was small, but it was massive, like a Beer Cafeteria.  The tables were the elevated type that are long and thin, like a bar.  If you looked at the layout from above it would look like a maze.  This was probably to make it an easy environment to mingle with the numerous prostitutes working there. This way, a man can just go sit kinda near a hooker instead of having to actually invite her to his table.   It is probably less awkward.  The problem was that there weren't many empty seats so Luke and I had to sit next to some hookers;  I chatted one up-- I can't help but not be friendly despite not being interested.  It just seems so rude to completely ignore someone sitting next to you, but I guess thats how the pro's do it.  She was really friendly and spoke good English.  I explained I wasn't interested in taking her home with me, which she said was ok, so we shared some drinks and hung out for a while.  After about an hour Luke and I got ansty for our next destination and asked our new friend if she knew anything about a club that was recommended to us, called Climax.  She said she went there a lot, and that it was real close, and then she offered to lead us there.

It was a quick walk to the club, which was snuggled underneath a hotel on Soi 11.  You had to walk through the parking garage to get to it.  Our prostitute friend went back to the bar, but said she might "drop in" on us later.  It was just past 10:30 when we got there.  There was no entry fee so we walked in, but it was deserted.  We walked back out to ask the bouncer what time it usually gets busy;  he said not until midnigt.  So we went to get a snack.  We had a hard time finding anything so we defaulted it with McDonalds.  It was my first Thai McDonalds.  The menu was pretty close to the American one--they had a few different sandwiches, mostly chicken.  We just got a Big Mac each.  It was so good, so we got both got another sandwich--some spicy chicken deal that was even better.  The atmosphere of this McDonalds was more like a McDonalds in the US;  it wasn't that clean and 50 percent of the customers are wearing clothing they probably sleep in.  Not that it bothered us, but most all the other McDonalds I've seen outside of America feel higher end than the originals.  After our snack it was late enough to go back to the club.
It was a little after midnight when we got there and we could hear a band playing inside.  Unfortunately the entry fee starts after midnight, so we had to pay 6 dollars to get in, but that included one drink.  We went inside.  It was a bit grungy and a bit ravey.  It was super crowded around the stage but fell off as you got near the bar.  There were a lot of small tables scattered throughout the floor, and then larger tables hugging the walls.  The way people were dressed seemed to be dependant on their gender.  Most guys were in tshirts and jeans and most girls were dressed up.  Luke and I were tshirting it, but we had an excuse, being travelers.  We got our free drink and found a table to hang out at.  The band was doing lots of popular rock music--Lady Gaga, Justin Bieber, Rianna.   They were really good, though, so I appreciated it.  There were about seven members and they would all take turns doing vocals.  One of the girls had to do the Justin Bieber song;  it sounded just like him.  Eventually they started to play older stuff, like Stone Temple Pilots, Cranberries, Rage Against the Machine, and Creed.   We had a lot of fun in this club.  The vibe was really awesome and the people were incredibly friendly.  A lot of the girls there were "working", but that didn't seem to stop them from having fun.

Luke usually doesn't like to dance, but I got him drunk enough to get him out there dancing.  We had a lot of fun.  We made friends with another Lex Luthor looking high roller, escorted by 2 super young Thais.  He bought us drinks and kept trying to offer one of his girls up to us.  Eventually the night wore on and I lost Luke.  He got pretty drunk.  At one point it looked like he almost got in a fight, but things calmed over.  Then I went to the bathroom and came out and couldn't find him.  I wasn't worried--he was drunk, but not out of control.  I looked for a bit and never saw him, so I headed out to get a cab myself.  It was about 5 AM.  On my way back I made friends with a Ladyboy that was wearing a turquoise scarf to hide her Adam's Apple and asked her about good hotels in the area;  I was starting to get tired of having to trek it back to Khaosan road every night and thought maybe a local could point out a deal.   This local delivered.  She showed me a hotel that she said is only 800 Baht a night.  That is only 300 more than I was paying on Khaosan, but of much higher quality, and in a better area.  So I decided I would move down here tomorrow.  I thanked the ladyboy, who then invited me up to her place.  I think it is terrible how badly people look down on the Ladyboys, so I am at least nice to them, but generally they are so persistent that I can now understand why people are mean to them.  I took a cab back to Khaosan and walked to the Pad Thai street vendor from the other night, thinking Luke might be there--he wasn't, but it smelled so good, so I had a round.  Finally I walked back to my abode and went to bed.

I had to get up and be packed before 11 if I wanted to move hostels, but that would be difficult without an alarm.   For the past days Luke and I had been waking up past the checkout time, so we would have to stumble down to the front desk around noon and hand them some money for another night.  I was determined to get out of this cycle, but I didn't have an alarm;  I could use my computer, but it didn't have enough of a charge, so I relied on the quartz floating around my body.  I pulled myself out of a sleep coma around 9AM, quickly packed, and checked out.  I took a cab to Soi 4 and checked into the hotel recommended by the Ladyboy.  It was as nice as any other hotel I've stayed in, except maybe the Taj in India.  It was easily the nicest place I've stayed in since Hue Vietnam.  I emailed Luke to let him know where I was, then took a nap.
I woke up and checked my email--Luke was going to need a night off tonight (I had taken a night off a few nights before so he needed one.  Our adventures have been mightily heroic and can not be sustained for long without a break for rest).  I didn't want to go too cray without my Bangkok brother, so I decided to get a dinner and relax at a bar.  I chose a bar that was replaying one of the NFL playoff games: Packers versus Bears.  I knew it was  replay but I didn't know the outcome, so it was as if I was watching it live, but it was even better because the station it was on cut out all the long timeouts, halftime, and other periods of inaction.   I made friends with the guy sitting next to me at the bar.  His name was Jeff and he was an architect originally from Canada but now living in Phuket.  We chatted for a bit and then I suggested we change bars.  Jeff wasn't seasoned in the nightlife in this area, so I suggested the Beer Garden.  We hung out at the beer garden for a few hours drinking Maple flavored Tiger Beers and talking about how we could make a building that looked like a Tyranosaurus driving a Cadillac.
I was up pretty early the next day and arranged to meet Luke at the Green cafe on Khaosan road.  He told me that Joe and Maria would be back a bit earlier than they had originally planned for.  This made me happy, as I missed seeing them.   It was great having some man time with Luke but it would be nice have the team reunited.  They would be back tomorrow.  I can't really remember what Luke and I did this day though.  I definitely remember attempting to go to this Japanese burger place at Saigon Paragon and pissing a bunch of people off because I didn't see there was a queue.  To be fair, the queue was like 30 feet away, and I entered the seating section from the opposite site and never saw it.  I played it off by pretending I was hard of seeing and was just reading the menu.  The burgers looked good;  they probably were, as the line was super long.  We probably went to another bar that night.  We definitely walked through Soi Cowboy one night, which is the most famous Red Light District of Bangkok.  It was super flashy and had an awesome neon cowboy sign, but it wasn't very big.    The clubs there were also more themed; some of them scared us, like the one with the spanking theme.

Bangkok: Galactus of Sushi

The next few days had a somewhat similar formula:  get up late, meet for an afternoon coffee, stop for snacks, do some internet, and then go out.  Because we had been staying in a hostel without internet we stopped frequently in cafes with wifi.  Our favorite was called "The Green House".  It was a cafe at the base of a hostel, also of the same name.  The second or third time I was there I realized that our psycho friend Emily had mentioned that she frequently played music at a place in the neighborhood that had "Green" in its name;  I think this was it.  I never saw her there though.  She was a bit Norman Bates crazy, sure, but her wake was entertaining and colorful like a Dr. Seuss.

The night of our first Patpong adventure we had walked by a sushi place with a sign advertising 'All You Can Eat' for a little under 500 baht, or 15 dollars.  This sign stopped us cold.  Our feet and eyes were frozen and our mouths began to foam with hunger suds.  You can't go into a place with a deal like that without fasting, so we had to plan ahead, for today.  Luke had gotten into contact with two girls from Israel he had met from China and invited them to join us.

 We were supposed to meet Luke's friends on Khaosan Road, which can, at times, be like a freeway of burnt out hippies.  We walked up and down it for a few minutes, then suddenly Luke was greeting a tall, muscular Asian girl.  She was a femanized Conan the Barbarian.  I didn't think it was his Israeli friend, since she was Asian, but it was.  I've never met an Asian-Israeli before.  Her accent was straaaaange.  The other girl was white and a bit of a low talker.
We walked over to the Sushi place.  The  Barbarian Lady said that she was a vegetarian!  That is not possible.  I was hoping to see her strong arm a salmon and destroy it beneath her trash compacter jaws.  So let down.  Since we had non meat eaters in tow, we thought to check out the buffet first.  Also it would be nice to see that the fish wasn't befouled by the tropical climate.  We walked in and were greeted by a older Japanese man.  "Konnichi-wa!".  We inquired about seeing the buffet, but he responded that there was no buffet.  We had a 10 second pause where we put on Kabuki masks that best demonstrated how confused we were.  "There is no buffet. You order off of a menu," the many finally broke in and said.  Our masks were shattered by our gasps--our joyful gasps.  "So you mean, for 15 dollars, we can order as much sushi off the menu as we want"  Yes, absolutely.  Luke and I got giddy.  We might have floated away had the old man not grabbed our arms to lead us to our table.

We sat in the upstairs room at one of the no shoes, on the floor, tables.  It was on the floor, but the floor had a hole in it below the table, so i was more like an indented table.  They told us that there was a separate menu for the buffet, which didn't include every thing that the normal menu had, so we got both to compare.  They were pretty similar for the most part--some of the more exotic creatures were omitted from the buffet, but I don't like them anyway.  Everything I would want except Unagi was on the buffet menu, so we went for it--the girls opted for the regular menu.  The older Japanese man that had seated us came back to explain the rules of the buffet.  Basically you get a 2 hour window to eat, you cannot share, and if you leave anything on your plate they charge extra.  They way it was worded and the way the rules were delivered made it sound like there were going to be sticklers about it--meaning they probably already had the 2 hour clock running.  Maybe they had us on camera, armed with a trigger of alarms, waiting for us to share.  And how much would they charge if we didn't finish?  What if it is disgusting?  I began to see how this magical feast could easily turn into a terrible scam.  Still, Luke and I were determined.  We agreed that our first round should be small, with food we know we love: Tuna and Salmon Sashimi, Teriyaki rolls, and some rainbow rolls (which are also Salmon and Tuna).  The waiter pointed to the rainbow picture on the menu and explained that it would be a "half" order.  I only get half a portion?  Just for this one?  Why?  My sleuthing yielded no answers.  Fine, it's ok.  The girls ordered various rolls off the regular menu.   Then we waited--for a while.

It had been almost 20 minutes and we started to wonder if they were stalling on purpose.  Luke was about to boil over--his volume was filled with a fiery acid that, if spilled, would scald a titanium man.  It seemed like people around us were getting food! ut they weren't all getting Sushi.  Finally some plates came out--2 plates of rolls, 4 per plate.  One was the rainbow, which they had said would be a half order; the other was the Teriyaki, which they did not say was a half order.  So I wondered if maybe they meant all the rolls are a half order?   I guessed that maybe, since it was a buffet, people would want to try different things. They were probably just lazy about not fixing the pictures on the menu, fair enough.  The rolls were consumed before the waiter had made it back into the kitchen.  They were super good.  Luke's boiling settled a bit.  But we really wanted our sashimi, and of all things they have to prepare, that seems like it would be the quickest.  Maybe they have to go catch a fish.  I just said things to keep us calm.  It was another 15 or 20 minutes before our next round of food came, during which Luke and I prepared a bombardment of orders.  Luke was going to order the house.  We weren't sure if we would have time for a round 3.  So as they came to deliver some more rolls and a few of our Sashimis, including the girls food, we let them have it.  We must have ordered 10 items each, then we went back to feasting.  Everything was amazing. Very fresh and flavorful.  But I noticed something--we had another half order of teriyaki rolls?  Uh oh.  We only ordered one.  Maybe they split it up?  But why would they split it up?  Maybe everything we ordered is split up like this--maybe we just ordered twice as much food as we thought?  This could be really bad--maybe THIS is the real way they scam you.  I was hungry, but I'm not Galactus, as much as I wish I were.  Slowly more food arrived, and it seemed like most of it was indeed half portions.  A few things they gave us double of, probably they just got confused.  We just waited for a while and finally asked if we had any more stuff on the way--they said all that was left was the sashimi, which they apologized had been taking longer because they have one sashimi guy and he was waist high in orders of it--they said that rolls and cooked items would be quicker.  This was ok, although what we most wanted was the sashimi, but we put in one more order:  fried squid, salmon steak, and some tempura rolls.  These were delivered instantly--Star Trek replicator fast.  Finally just as I was approaching the summit of satisfaction, our last few plates of Sashimi arrived, most of which were for Luke.  He was fading though, so I had to help him out (it was ok for sharing to occur among buffeters).

We finished everything, but I had a few frightful moments when I saw waiters walk by with heaps of rolls, worried they might be for us.  Luckily not.  In the end I counted that I had 23 sushi roll pieces, 16 pieces of sashimi, 6 rings of fried squid, and half of a grilled salmon fillet.  If the seafood feast in Sockcho put an aquarium in my stomach then this night at the Sushi places built a new Sea World inside of me.  I added everything I ordered up, taking into account the half orders, and it came to 1250 Baht.  We paid 495 Baht.  Luke took down 1375 Baht (but I helped on some; so we were pretty much evenly matched.).  In the end, despite the scare of the scam, we were highly satisfied.  We hoped that we would soon come back to the galaxy of sushi.

Bangkok: Readily Lighted Districts and a Shadowy Marathon

The Marco Polo hotel had the cheapest single rooms on Khaosan Road.  There were 3 tiers: no bathroom or window, no window, and deluxe.  That they called a room with a bathroom and a window a deluxes is laughable, but I guess it is relative to what else they offer, which is practically medievel.  I went with the room with the bathroom but no window.  Since my sleeping times were skewed it was probably better that I didn't have one, and the street can be noisy.  The room was simply a room and a bed with a closet that had a shower head.  There were no electrical outlets, mirrors, or sinks.  And I think the bed was an air mattress.  But it wasn't so bad, considering the price;  I'm a backpacker after all, and I should be used to living without convenience.  It was not having a power outlet that I had the most difficulty dealing with, because I like to charge my netbook.  The reception people were accomodating to that--they had a massive powerstrip in the lobby that was like a momma cow, nursing precious wattage to the baby netbooks of all the travelers.
It had been a few days since I had gotten to Bangkok and I hadn't ridden the Skytrain yet.  Luke and I kept talking about switching to a hostel closer to the Skytrain because Khaosan road was so far, so we finally got it togethor and treked over there.  It was a late start, naturally, but it wasn't a problem.  We decided to take the ferry again to the central pier, which is connected to a Skytrain station.  Our walk was more of a wander in the general direction, until we reached the water.  The pier wasn't well marked so we had to inquire with the locals.  The first local that we attempted this with was very much a Non Englisher.  I tried to mime sailing in a boat, but he just laughed--obviously not the best choice.  I should have mimed paddling, which I thought of not 10 seconds after we walked away.  The next person we found knew what we wanted, and pointed us the right way.   And yes, the ferry building looked more like a Cowboy Saloon, with dark teak colored wood and a low roof.  The only signifier was a clump of colored flags which tell you which ferry lines service this station.
Not that we felt particularly retarded that day, but we were having issues managing.  Our next debacle found us standing on the wrong pier, which was more raftlike, as it bobbed so ferociously that you wouldn't find it odd if they offered you a climbing harness.  We stood on this floating pier and observed that the only boats coming to it were going to the dock on the other side of the river, and back.  We slinked back into the station, showed the ticket guy our tickets and pleaded to be allowed to change to the other platform.  There was no punishment for our ignorance, thankfully.
We got on the next boat and road to the last stop, which was Central Pier.   It was pretty quick.  I have been impressed with the frequency and speed of water public transportation in Asia and wonder why we don't have it at home.  San Francisco has a few ferries, but they are so infrequent and have very few stops.  In Bangkok the ferry system is more like a bus, with stops ever couple of minutes, and it services all parts of the city that border water.
We got off at Central and walked over to the Skytrain.  Luke had been before so he more or less took the lead.  It was pretty simple--you puit in your destination and pop in the amount of money it wants.  It wasn't too pricey--the cheapers ride being about 75 cents, but that really isn't much better than a taxi.  We got off at Patpong, which is just south of the city center--or where the Shopping Citadel is.  Luke had stayed in this area when he and Jo passed through Bangkok a month prior.  We walked over to 2 hostels and checked out the prices and availabilities.  Both hostels barely had any availability and they were both more expensive for dorms than what we were paying for a single on Khaosan road.  It just didn't make sense to switch.  A taxi ride from Patpong to our hostel was still less than the diference in price.  The hostels did look a lot cleaner and better equipped, and they are probably better places to meet travelers, but Luke and I were content with our no frills accomodation and weren't looking for new friends.  After abandoning a hostel search Luke  took me to an indoor food market a few blocks away.  He knew the general area it was in but not the exact location, so we had a bit of a wander, and accidentally found ourselves wandering through a block with specialty boy bars.  With names like "Boy Palace" and "Stud Lounge", it was pretty obvious.   It was too early for nightlife and noone was around to solicit us, thankfully.  We found the food market and only a few of the vendors were open, but any food was fine by us, so I had some seafood soup and Luke got some stir fried rice.  It was fantastic.
After food we stopped by a streetside bar that was armored in bamboo plate mail.  We got some drinks and talked more about videogames.  We talked so much that a nerd cone developed around us, keeping non nerds at bay.  It was ok--it was still early.  Before we left we started playing some connect four, which Luke said I should practice, because it is a popular bar game in Thailand, and if you are good you can get a lot of free drinks.  I was a bit rusty, but slowly got my groove on, but Luke was pretty sharp, and tough to beat.  There was a ladyboy server that kept trying to tell me where to play my move.  I should have listened, because I kept losing.
Finally we left the bar and walked over to the heart of the Redlight district known as Paptpong.  Luke really wanted to see a "ping pong" show, which I'll admit, I was curious too.  We found a bunch of people on the street that would try and take you up dimly lit staircase for  "pingpong" show, but refused, as they all seemed like scames.  The general rule we followed was that we wouldn't go inside any location you can't see inside of from the street.  We had heard too many stories of people going upstairs to see a show and then getting charged hundreds of bucks for a single drink and the doors being locked and guarded by numerous large men until the tab was paid.  Aside from the easily avoidable scams Patpong was not as seedy as I expected.  There was a mix of beer bars, go-go clubs, and streetside merchants selling anything from sex toys to tourist trinkets.  Most of the people walking around were guys, but there were a fair share of couples and even a few families.  You could peak into the Go-Go clubs and see tons of women in bikinis dancing on a stage with numbers on them--basically they were on display for purchase.  Probably not these women's first choice of careers, but it seemed to be a lot better than if it was illegal.  The bars were all very nice, well decorated, and clean.  They weren't seedy--nobody was trying to drag you in.  Since they are all public businesses they have to follow the law.  It is probably unlikely that the girls would rob their customers, since they (the girls) are employed by the bars, meaning they work there and depend on the bar to keep them employed .  It's not likely to be their first choice of jobs, but it seems to pay well.  Luke and I decided that since we were there we had to at least go into one of them, so we went into one called King's Camelot.  As long as you kept buying drinks the bars don't care if you just sit there and 'watch';  they primarily make money off of alcohol.  The girls are paid a small salary each month, but they get majority of their money for their services.  To get out of having to explain ourselves, Luke and I just pretended that we were gay.  I don't really think they bought it, but they stopped pressuring us after that.  Overall we had a lot of fun there.  We even made friends with the "Mamasan" and got her to join us for some drinks.  We tried another bar after this and made friends with a Japanese guy who kept screaming at the girls for being Ladyboys.  They really didn't look like Ladyboys to us, which began to freak us out a bit.
We were ready to head home around 3:30AM.  I was going to flag down a cab when Luke stopped me, "Mate," he said, "I can't take a cab because I get motion sick if I've been drinking".  He was intent on getting a hotel in Patpong for the night.  That didn't make sense to me, since he had a room back in Khaosan road.  I told him we could go get some food until he was sober, but he refused, saying he probably wouldn't be sober for a while.  "Screw it", I said, "we can walk. I have a map".  Luke wasn't sure about it.  I was insistent.  I love walking--it would be fun.  But we weren't sure of the way--and our previous taxi rides down here have taken 20-30 minutes.  I reminded Luke of my awesome compass watch, which had already proven itself in his presence.  He trusted it.  He trusted me.  "Ok, Let's do it".  The walk took about two and a half hours, and we made it.   We basically looked on our map and found that there was a system of canals running through the city--we could walk due west to one, then due north to another, then we should be close enough to Khaosan road that we should recognize the way.  The only worry I had was if the canals were underground in parts and we would miss them--still it wouldnt be too bad because if we walked too far west we would just hit the river, which would get us back home also, but it would just be a lot further.  We celebrated wildly when we saw the Death Star Canon monument from a few days before.  Luke practically bowed down before the power of my wristwatch--you go Casio.  Now it was almost 6 AM, so we had a breakfast of roadside Pad Thai and watched the sun climb up a starry ladder.  Finally we  escaped to our beds.

Bangkok: Day 4-6 and possibly 7..

I can't remember if what happens next happened after seeing Tron or if it was the next day.  I'm writing this almost 2 months later now;  I feel so awkardly pathetic that I have waited so long to conjour my memories into a literary spell.  I am without excuse.  All I can do is try my best.  If an experience doesn't stick out like a gopher, then it probably isn't so much of a loss, as the most memorable parts will also be the most exciting to transcribe with my wizard powers.
The only reason I think the following events didn't happen after Tron is because if the soon to be explained events connected to everything else in that day--well--that is one insane day, and I don't remember going to bed thinking how packed full of craziness my day was.  The counter argument is that I can't recall what I would have done during the next day, leading up to the events that I keep teasing.
Ok.  So we came back to Khaosan road, me, Luke, Jo, and Maria, after probably having seen the movie Tron 2.0.  I thought that was going to be it for the night, but it was hardly 10:30;  this was Bangkok afterall--it is so hot during the day that most people, rather than hiding from the sun inside, hide from the sun from behind the Earth.  We thought it would be nice to get a beer at one of the roadside bars.  We chose one with a Thai guy playing indie music who was dressed like a hipster.  The beers were cheap.  I ordered a Tiger and made everyone else try it because I felt like it had maple syrup in it--this was new to me, but my allergies were subsiding which means I had super-taste (and smell).   Maple syrup beer should be created if it hasn't already.
After a bit of chatting and chilling, I busted out my little black moleskin book for some Telephone Pictionary.  We had already played a round before the movie so everyone knew how to play and was without doubt of the enjoyment they would have.  For some reason most people, even myself, don't think it will be a fun game.  Our first round had something to do with Batman crashing a party and drinking with a turtle.  We made friends with two girls sitting near us and attempted to teach them how to play.  One of them was from Korea;  she was in Bangkok as an exchange student and she was curious but kept explaining that she couldn't draw.  The other girl was Emily and she was a local.  She snatched my book and wrote, across five pages, a short biography about herself.  In the penmenship of a 1st grader, it read: "I'm Emily.  Once, a long time ago I in China. Thanks for the [illegible]".  We had tried to explain the game to her but she kept doing scribbles.  Then she drew a scribble of herself.  Obviously it wasn't working.   But we were happy to have made some new friends so we invited them over and hung out for a while.  They were both musicians and were friends with the guy who was playing the music.  After a bit Jo and Maria got antsy to go dancing, so they asked Emily if she would take us to a club.  She took us to a place, West End [something, maybe Bar] that was just down the street.  It looked like a frat-boy bar.  It had a bunch those super long tables that you can stand at.  They didn't really have a dance floor, but people were just dancing near their tables--sort of.  It was like a bunch of giant marionette puppets were dangling from ceiling fans.  We stayed there for about an hour until Jo had to go back to pack.  She and Maria were leaving on a bus for the south in a few hours.  Their plan was to stay up all night.  So that just left me, Maria, and Emily.  It turned out that Emily was born with a little bit of crazy in her.  It was just one of those things we could tell.  Not that we felt afraid for our lives, but it was something that Maria and I were having call to eachother's attention and having secret conversations about.  As we left a random drunk guy sort of bumped into Emily and she made a sound that was the vocal equivalent of unsheathing a katana.  But I dragged her away before she would start slashing.  We went to the club at the end of the road that we had gone to the previous night that seemed to be a popula place for the ladyboys to trick drunk foreigners.  As we went in the bouncer informed us that they were playing the last song of the night.  Maria didn't care.  She had enough enthusiasm to convince both Emily and I, so we jumped in and boogied for about 25 seconds, then ran out.
We thought that our night would be over since the bars were all starting to close, so we started dragging ourselves back towards our disgusting hostels.  On the way we found a crowd partying on side of the street.  It was literally just a 2 guys with a cooler on wheels and a boombox.  They were selling cans of beer for practically nothing.  The tunes were great, so we jumped into the swarm.  It was the best gathering of the night.  The energy was awesome;  it was a great mix of foreigners and locals, and it was outisde.  There was a french girl dancing on a plastic stool who started getting everyone to do the same.  These are the least sturdy plastic stools I have ever seen, but somehow nobody fell and nothing cracked, as likely as it seemed.  There was an Indian guy wearing a robe who jumped in and performed some spiritual break dancing.  People started cheering, and they called him Yoda.
We were at the outdoor party for almost 2 hours.  Once it hit 5 Am Maria had to leave for her bus, but she kept putting it off till the next song.  All of a sudden it was 5:30.  It was like the clock striking midnight for Cinderella;  Maria suddenly took off, because she knew she was super late.  She did not want the wrath of Jo (Which would be a thunderstorm of pink pubbles).  I didn't really stay much longer either. I stumbled back to my hostel and buzzed the door, which they lock after midnight.  Somebody was getting woken up to let me in, and they didn't seem to happy, so I thanked them and trotted up to my bed.  I had left my window open and could hear the music throughout the city as it was slowly dissipating while the sun was beginning to make its ascent.  It was sound making way for sight, and I was unbelievably tired.
So the next few days it was just Luke and I.  I always tried to get up early, but it never happened, and Luke was even worse.  Our routine usually involved me emailing after I got up where I would be, within a time window, but sometimes that time window was too early and Luke wasn't up for it, so we would try again.  Sometimes we would just bump into eachother.  I can't recall the details in the most accurate chronological order, but I will try.

Our first day togethor we joined up with Femke (Sanna had gone to Cambodia) and found this cafe in a hostel that had a sign advertising home-made bagels.  It was impressive, especially for Thailand.  Luke and I were considering taking a trek to Chiang-Mai or a day trip to this temple we had read about in a bookstore, but we would have to change our sleeping routine if we were going to manage.  Femke was going to move to another hostel that was closer to downtown.  I was really wanting to move location too--not that I disliked the adventures I was having in the backpacker district, but it was just touristy--I wanted the raw Bangkok.  So after lunch I took a taxi with Femke to her new hostel.  She kept getting worried that the taxi driver was going the wrong way, or didn't understand the directions, so she kept repeating them.  It perturbed him a bit.  Then he missed the turn and had to loop back around, which she thought he did on purpose to jack up the fare.  But in the end the fare was like 5 dollars.
The hostel was nice.  It had a super comfortable lobby that felt sort of tropical.  They had a good selection of rooms, from dorms to triples, and they had wifi.  The price of the dorms wasn't too bad either, but it was still more expensive than the single rooms on KhaoSan road, although the quality was probably nicer.   They were also close to the Skytrain, which is the best way to get around Bangkok (but it doesn't go near Khaosan road).  Femke checked in and I left to walk around the area and find some food.
It only took a few blocks and I ran into a little food street with a ton of restaurants that shared a common seating area.  I chose a soup place and got whatever the business ladies, in powersuits, next to me were having.  It was like Vietnamese Pho but I liked it a lot better--more sour with thicker noodles.  The noodles in Pho were slimy like worms, which is not well enjoyed, where these are dry and well enjoyed.
I walked up through the downtown area and then headed towards the malls.  It was a really long walk.  It was also way too hot out and I kept having to pop into 7-11 for water pit stops;  luckily they are everywhere.  Once I got to the mall area I thought I would walk around and check out some stores but I was so exhausted that I instead caught a magenta colored taxi back to Khaosan road.  I found Luke and we went to another street bar.  We were sitting next to a Brittish guy who was with one obvious ladyboy and another suspect ladyboy.  We noticed that he kept talking about himself alot.  He looked like a mountain troll that was wearing a latex mask of a human, but he had a ring on his troll nose, which protruded through the latex.  Luke and I had some beers and talked videogames and watched the night go by.  I was so exhausted that I had to go to bed after this.  I had switched rooms to be in the same hostel as Luke and when I woke up I found a note from him, explaining that he had met up with some friends he had made in China and ended up having a crazy night and that I probably shouldn't look for him until late in the afternoon.  Oh Bangkok.  You are too much!

Bangkok: Day 2 or 3, memory fuzzy

The next few days in Bangkok are harder to remember exactly, but I remember Jo and Maria showing up the next morning at my hostel door, giving it the knock of 1000 happy palms.  They were picking me up for lunch, so we went with these 2 girls I had met in the lobby from Norway, Femke and Sanne, who had just arrived in Bangkok to start their treks.  We tried to go back to the amazing place we had eaten at the night before but it was camouflaged like a speakeasy--we didn't see it.  So we ate at a place that catered more to westerners and absolutely got ripped off and the food wasn't that good.  It completely baffles me, but the best tasting food I am having is also the cheapest.  If all the food from Southeast Asia came togethor to form a giant food superhero and he walked into the DC universe, then his bizarro would be the American food monster, because its one giant flip flop.   Giant nerd tangent.
After Lunch we got Luke, who was sleeping off a more than laudable night's consumption of alcohol and caught two taxis down to siam square to check out the infamous shopping malls.  We couldn't all fit in the same taxi so we separated, Me, Maria, Femke, and Sanna in one and Jo and Luke in the other.  Unfortunately our taxi drivers didn't drop us off in the same spot and.   We got out and looked around and didn't see Jo and Luke.  Then I looked on my map and saw that there is a SIam Center and a Siam Square and wondered if maybe the word center had changed to square by one of us, or our drivers.  A lady with polka dots informed us that we were indeed at the Square, so I dialed in a direction on my infallible wrist compass and led us to the Center.  It turns out the Siam Center was one of the malls;  it was a bit big--no sign of Jo and Luke.  Since we had mentioned checking out the food court with extreme glee, we headed there first, but that required asking for help, because there was no food court in the Center.  We were directed to the Siam Paragon, which is the bigger, more popular mall.  It was aptly named, as it was the nicest, most luxurious, mall I have seen.  We found the food court.  It was a food field.  It had fast food, semi fast food, a fancy grocery store, and fancy food.  There were chains like McDonalds and Mos Buger (Japanese) and unbranded stuff.  We walked around the grocery store and bought some chips with our fun fund, which was leftover money from breakfast, then the girls got some bread (sweet probably).  I found some spring rolls and Maria got some meat skewers.  Sanne went to buy some dumplings and discovered her wallet was gone.  She announced, in a valium intoxicated tone, that her wallet was in the taxi cab!  I thought she sounded oddly calm, since she had JUST arrived in her first country, only to lose her wallet.  And she had no backup (which I always have).  Our first thought was to call the taxi company, but we couldn't remember the name. As we discussed this, Femke snuck out her camera and looked up the picture we had taken of her, sitting in the front of the taxi pretending to drive.  Right in front of her, in the picture, was the id card for the taxi driver.  Not only did we have the taxi company, but we had the driver's name and ID number.  So Norwegian girls went to call while Maria and I went outside to eat our snacks.  We sat next to a Japanese family that were wearing gangster sneakers.  To pass the time I taught Maria the doodle game and we started a round.  Our drawing was one of the better doodle masterpieces I've had.  Maria picked up the game as if it had been Matrix'ed in to her.  After 30 minutes the Norwegian girls returned with faces of slight disappointment.  They were getting the run around with the taxi company and didn't sound very hopeful that they would find Sanne's wallet.  So they decided to go back to the hostel.  Maria and I wanted to go find a way to email Luke and Jo;  we figured they were probably doing the same.
Maria and I had fun cruising around the mall.  Our first goal was email.  We found a computer store and succeded.  Maria emailed Jo and told her we would be hanging out by the Krispy Kreme, which is insanely popular in Thailand, at 7:30.   Next we checked out the movie theater and bowling alley, which were on the top floor.  The movie theater was impressive--there were 3 different sections: imax, regular, and vip (which are couches instead of seats).  The bowling alley was western prices, which was a lot compared to what I had in Laos.  Next I wanted to see if we could locate an arcade.  I was hoping we would find one near the theaters and bowling, but there wasn't.  Maria is pretty spontaneous and matter of fact, so she just walked up to a cleaning lady and blurted out, "Hi. do you know if there are any arcades here?".  The cleaning lady didn' t undersant enough to give a respone, and instead she led us to a phone where she called someone, spoke a few words, and then handed the phone to Maria.  It was the foreigner help line!  The mall people talked to Maria and gave her directions to the "Arcade".  The word must have gotten lost in translation, or they took it literally, for we were led to a women's department store.  Part three failed. No arcades in Thailand.  It was almost 7:30 anyway, so we treked down to Krispy Kreme.  Sure enough, there were Jo and Luke waiting for us.  When they got out of their cab and couldn't find us (after walking around for an hour) they went back to their hostel, where they got our email, and then came back to the mall to find us.  We felt really bad that we had had such a fun day despite finding them and they had gone back without any fun pennies.  So we thought a movie would cheer us all up.  We got tickets to see Tron 2.0 in 3d Imax.  We had some time before the movie, so we sat in the lobby and Maria and I finished our doodle game.  Then the four of us played a bit of telephone pictionary.  Finally we went into the theater for the movie.  Before the movie went on an anthem video was played to honor the King of Thailand.  It was somber.  It was a montage of his life and made me think the king had died, but he hasn't.  The movie was Awesome!

Bangkok: Thailand Last Country? I hope not!

The train arrived in Bangkok around 8 AM.  I departed and looked for a cab.  Some information people immediately came up to me to ask me where I was going.  I told them "Khaosan Rd." They then explained that I can either take a cab or a bus.  The man actualy tried to convince me to take the bus because it was cheaper, but I opted for the cab because I had my bag and it was only 3 dollars.  I got dropped off right at the start of the Backpacker district, which is on Khaosan Rd.  It was pretty early so it was deserted, a few piles of trash and a few passed out travelers, otherwise empty.  I saw lots of bars and signs for guesthouses, so I started walking down and checking.  I didn't book ahead because there are so many guesthouses and many of them don't even bother to get listed online, especially the really cheap ones.  I made one pass down the road and got to the end and realized I had only talked to 2 places that had rooms available (of about 10 places I tried to go into), so I walked back the way I had come in hopes of finding more.  I found one that I was going to check into but they weren't ready yet, so they let me leave my bag and told me to come back in an hour, but while I was out I found another place, slightly more expensive but nicer and with wifi so I feebly walked back to the place I had left my bag and begged to undo my reservation.  They were cool with it, which surprised me, so I checked into Chandra Inn, showered, and sent an email to Luke and Jo.
I had a private room at Chandra, but the bathroom was shared, down the hall.  It was pretty nice for the price though, and the wifi was way better than what I had been dealing with in Laos and Vietnam.  They also included a coffee and toast breakfast.  Finally I got an email from Luke and Jo, explaining where the room was, the Marco Polo hostel, which was just a few doors down!  It was a bit hard to find because the sign was white like the clouds in the sky--easier to see at night, but some nice man in a turban pointed me to it after telling me that today was my lucky day. "Of course it is," I began.  "I found my friends", and then walked off.
I found their room and we had a reunification hug.  Luke was still kind of in bed.  He go ready and we walked off towards the Temple close by.  Luke and Jo has been there but wanted me to check it out.  They were going to go into a cafe to wait.  I tried to go in but they were stopping people who were wearing shorts because its not allowed.  I turned back and left, not realizing they give you pajamas pants to wear over your shirts.  No wonder so many people were dressed so awfully.  It was no big deal though.  I was pretty hungry.  I found Luke and Jo at the cafe across the street, and also across the street from a protest, possibly by the redshirts, which we tried to peer at from inside the cafe, but we really had no idea.  The people looked pretty peaceful and the police looked kind of bored.  There was a man sitting next to us wearing a Virginia Tech hat so I told him that I had gone to Virginia Tech.  He was no more excited than if I had told him that I had just ordered a black coffee.  I thanked him for his time.
We walked through a small market on our way to the pier and I got a basket of mixed fried fries: potato, sweet potato, banana, and mystery.  They were all good except for mystery, which we suspect was fishcake.  We got on a boat taxi but weren't sure where to go.  A lady was walking around collecting money and she asked where we were going--we didn't know, so we told her, "the fourth stop".  She kinda grunted and demanded some money, then gave, us a ticket stub.  We just wanted to go south a bit and then get off and walk around.  We waited about four stops and then got off, following the crowd.  I was also taking notice on my compass on my watch, the most important piece of gear I brought with me.  Luke admitted that it had saved our asses a bunch already.  We checked where we were on the map and it looked like we should be close to Chinatown, but we may have been in it.  Just because it's called Chinatown doesn't mean it will look any different.  After a ways we found a partially covered indoor market with small shop rooms along a trenched road that doubled as a sewer.  We stopped off for some soup then moved on.  I noticed that a bunch of vendors were selling these bright pink patties.  They looked like those plastic pork chops you buy for kids to go with their fisher price kitchen sets.  It kind of looked like meat.  We debated it--Jo thought it was meat.  I bought one anyway and was about to take a big bite when Jo stopped me, saying it might need to be cooked.  I looked at the shop keeper, with my mouth half open, around the goopy pink pork chop.  She nodded as if to s ay its ok, go ahead.  I bit--I think it was a dough from rice--not meat--and filled with spinach.  It was ok, but a few bites were enough.
We walked on and I directed us with my compass.  We kind of just wandered for a bit.   It was really hot, so we had to stop for some water.  Then we checked on our map, to see that we were close to a "Giant Swing".  Not sure what it was and a bit intriguied at an the prospect of riding an adult, or giant, sized swing, we went to check it out.  It didn't look like the kind of swing you can use, but it was kinda neat, at least to glance at, so we kept going.  Next we found a park and chilled out under some trees, getting some shade.   It was a quiet park and it reminded me of Beijing because it had those silly exercise machines.
As we headed back towards Khaosan road we found this victory monument.  We alked towards it and also bumped into a book store.  Jo popped inside and Luke and I loitered about.  We started at the monumen, puzzled at what it was supposed to represent.  Finally after a few minutes of pondering, we agreed that it looked like the primary weapon on the Death Star.  I got some bagged pineapple because my allergies were getting better.  It may have been helping--it would be specious to think so, but it was easier to just keep everything the same than go through a process of elimination.
As we walked down Khaosan road I saw a bar was playing an NFL playoff game so I told Luke and Jo to pick me up there in an hour.  I sat got a beer and had been there for about 30 minutes when they told me that they were closing and I would have to leave in 10 minutes.  Terrible. Annoying.  I chugged the rest of my beer and left a bit annoyed.  If I knew how to say "Thanks for the heads up skyscraper face", in Thai, I would have said that.
I met back up with Luke and Jo a bit later at my hostel.  We walked around the neighborhood and got some snacks on the street.  Then we went to an internet cafe/bar to meet Jo's friend, Maria who was flying in from England to meet up with her for a couple weeks.  Luke ran into guy from Germany he had met in China who was with his wife.  The guy had a really strange laugh.  It was like a bear had his head stuck in a huge jar and was trying to mimic the beastmaster.  The Germans left and about an hour later Maria arrived.  We checked her into a hostel and then went for dinner at an amazing streetside local joint with organic smoothies for a dollar.  The smoothies actually came from another shop and the waiter would take off in a sprint to get them.  There was an ounce of remorse for ordering them seperately.
After dinner we went to a streetside bar and got a bucket each.  Buckets are all the rage in southeast Asia.  They are supersized cocktails for the price of a regular.  Its a McDonalds size and price.  I ordered one with gin and pineapple juice.  Maria got one with Whiskey, which he poured at our table--it was exaclty one bucket of ice, one flask of whiskey, and one can of coke.  I never finished mine, but my nose was really bad, and the Alcohol only made it worse.  Luke was about 85 percent done with his when Jo secretly switched hers, which was about 60 percent done, with his.  In the end, Luke finished both.  He was the most capable drinker I met on my trek.   After our drinks we called it a night.  Day one of Bangkok was crazy!

Laos: Adios Laos

The next day I got up and checked out of my hostel and went to the cafe.  It was my last day in Laos.  My train woud leave around 6.  Boua said she would hang out with me and take me for some food and show me a book store to trade in my Lonely Planet books at.  I met her in the cafe next to my hotel where I kept going for the internet and the tumeric tea (that might have been helping).  We walked up to Talat Sao market, the unimpressive "largest" mall of Laos, where there was a food court on the top floor.  This looked cool.  Lots of food, from all over, even Indian.  Boua had never had Indian, so I got some Samosas and some Parantha.  Then we got some soup that was like Pho, but maybe a bit more Laos style.  The indian Parantha was different, and tasted like it had condensed milk in it.  It was still good though, so I let Boua eat the majority.  I bought some tshirts for some friends at home.  They were so colorful that I just got some for my female friends.  I got a few sizes, even though all the shirts said they were the same size on their labels.  After this Boua showed me a book store owned by here friend, an eclectice elderly man who dresses like Tom Sellic from the 80s.  I felt like he needed an eye patch, then we could refer to him as Captain Bookstorm, or something.  He took my Vietnam Lonely Planet and let me pick one book in exchange.  Sweet deal!  I picked a Ken Follet book that I have since read 2 pages of.
After this, me and Boua went to the cafe and hung out until I had to go catch my train.  She told me about how it would be a good investment to buy land in Laos because a railroad was being built through Laos that would connect China and Bangkok.  I agreed that it seemed like the completion of this railway would cause a lot of people to be coming through Laos.  Still, I wasn't down for buying some land, not yet.  We said goodbye and I walked to the travel agent I got my train ticket from.  On the way I stopped at an MPoint market to pick up some snacks: peanuts, mulberry tea, and toothpaste.  Then I waited for my taxi next to some unfriendly Australian or British girls.  Well, they didn't seem down for chit-chat and seemed to pretend they didn't even speak English.  We got on our taxis for the train station.  We had to take 2 trains--one to cross the border, to Nong Khai, then another one from Nong Khai to Bangkok.  The first train took about 10 minutes.  I sat on it and filled out my immigration stuff, and chatted wih a French guy a bit.  We were both a bit confused by the fact that our tickets said our seat was supposed to be in train car 3, yet the train only had 2 cars that we were on.  Whatever.  We got to Nong Khai and I went through immigration ok.  They didn't even seem to care that I was just staying on "Khaosan Road", which was only a little bit more specific than the "Bangkok" I used, and was denied with, at the Thai consulate.
I got on my train--it was pretty nice, not as amazing as Vietnam, but a little better than China.  I opted for the Fan car instead of Air/Con since it really wasn't that how out.  The Thai trains were laid out a bit differently tho.  There is on aisle in the middle of the train with 1 seat on either side, but the seats are arranged in pairs, facing eachother.  So you get to sit and look directly at a stranger.  At bed time the seats slide down and form a bottom bed.  On top of the seats is a hinged shelf that holds the upper bed.  I liked this better than the Chinese trains because both beds get a seat--on the Chinese trains there are no seats but instead just the beds, so if you are on top you have to make friends with your neighbor from below.
There were 2 younger people sitting in the chairs next to me, across the aisle, who had a giant golden retriever with them.  He looked so happy to be traveling.  He was also very well behaved and only got scared when the train started up for the first time.  Occasionally they would let him stick his head out the window and get some air.